the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
