Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
