he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
it was like eating out sand paper
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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