i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
