Michael Bay diarrhea
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
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