I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
