If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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