trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just want nice things and good sex
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
