Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
