hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
