this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
