I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
