I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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