I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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