New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
