Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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