I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize