I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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