I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
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I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
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He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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