Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize