I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
