ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
