Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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