I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
