just come out here and I will go home with you...
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
