We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
