Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He better not be in your backpack
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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