you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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