so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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