Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
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He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
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I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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