No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
