2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
