i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Drunk is not a location!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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