Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
There r osticjed everywhere
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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