At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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