My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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