It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
