never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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