i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
