Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
