here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
