I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
