My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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