took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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