Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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