took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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