Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
