I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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