Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
