Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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