Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
