i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
