If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm at about main and main street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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