His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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