I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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