I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Four minutes until I can fart!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
