i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
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I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
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And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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