If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
