i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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