Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
