I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
