so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
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Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
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then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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